Soft Life, Hard Truths

Self-abandonment doesn’t happen all at once.

It happens quietly — in small decisions that seem harmless in the moment. In choosing what’s easier instead of what’s true. In prioritizing peace over honesty. In pushing down needs because addressing them feels inconvenient or impossible.

Over time, those choices accumulate.

And eventually, you realize you’ve drifted far from yourself — without ever consciously deciding to leave.

What Self-Abandonment Actually Looks Like

Self-abandonment isn’t dramatic.

It doesn’t always look like self-destruction or obvious neglect. More often, it looks like adaptation.

You adjust. You accommodate. You stay quiet. You shrink your wants so they fit inside what’s available.

You tell yourself:

• “It’s not that important.”
• “I can deal with it later.”
• “This is just how things are right now.”

Later rarely comes.

Why Mothers Are Especially Vulnerable to It

Motherhood requires responsiveness. Presence. Sacrifice.

Those qualities are necessary — but without boundaries, they can slowly erase you.

When your role is centered around meeting others’ needs, it becomes easy to deprioritize your own inner signals. Hunger. Fatigue. Discontent. Desire.

Ignoring those signals becomes normalized.

Self-abandonment isn’t chosen — it’s learned.

The Emotional Cost No One Warns You About

The cost of self-abandonment isn’t just exhaustion.

It’s:

• A vague sense of emptiness
• Resentment you don’t want to admit
• Emotional numbness
• Loss of clarity
• Difficulty knowing what you even want anymore

When you abandon yourself repeatedly, your internal voice grows quieter — not because it disappears, but because it stops being heard.

Why “Gratitude” Can Become a Trap

Gratitude is often used to override discomfort.

You remind yourself to be thankful. You minimize dissatisfaction. You compare yourself to people who have less.

Gratitude becomes a way to silence legitimate needs.

But gratitude without honesty isn’t grounding — it’s suppressive.

You can be grateful and want more.
You can love your life and feel misaligned.

Ignoring that truth deepens self-abandonment.

The Relationship Between Safety and Self-Abandonment

Many people abandon themselves because it once kept them safe.

Speaking less. Wanting less. Needing less. Taking up less space.

Those strategies often develop early — and motherhood can reactivate them.

But what once protected you can later limit you.

Recognizing that pattern isn’t blame — it’s clarity.

What It Feels Like to Return to Yourself

Returning to yourself isn’t immediate or dramatic.

It starts with noticing.

Noticing when something feels off. When resentment appears. When exhaustion doesn’t lift. When your body signals no, even if your mouth says yes.

Honoring those signals feels uncomfortable at first — because you’re no longer disappearing.

But that discomfort is part of reorientation.

Why Reclaiming Yourself Can Feel Threatening

When you stop abandoning yourself, things shift.

You may say no more often. You may disappoint people. You may disrupt dynamics that relied on your silence or flexibility.

That doesn’t mean you’re wrong.

It means the system was built around your self-erasure.

Change always feels destabilizing at first.

Self-Abandonment and Burnout Are Linked

Burnout isn’t just about doing too much.

It’s about doing too much without yourself present.

When actions are disconnected from values, needs, and capacity, exhaustion deepens.

Reconnection is part of recovery.

You don’t heal burnout by pushing harder.
You heal it by returning to yourself.

What I’m Practicing Now

I’m practicing staying.

Staying with discomfort instead of smoothing it over. Staying with my needs instead of minimizing them. Staying with my truth even when it feels inconvenient.

This isn’t about becoming rigid or self-centered.

It’s about becoming integrated.

If You Recognize Yourself Here

If you’ve been abandoning yourself quietly — you’re not broken.

You adapted to survive.

But survival doesn’t have to be permanent.

You’re allowed to come back to yourself.
You’re allowed to take up space again.
You’re allowed to want more — without apology.

The cost of self-abandonment is too high to keep paying.